Chapter 19: Financial Advice

If Jeanette were reading this and got to this chapter title, I’m very sure she would audibly laugh out loud! Mainly because, of my few talents and strengths, money management was not at the top of the list. Thankfully, she held my complimentary skill set- she was able to invest, save, budget, and spend with grace and ease. While I certainly depended upon her wisdom, she tried and often failed to pass on that knowledge to me. It became an “in one ear and out the other” scenario, despite my good intentions and somewhat solid head on my shoulders. Well, at his point I am desperate for her advice and financial savvy, but I am here today to pass on what I can to you before it’s too late.

First and foremost, when people casually say “get your affairs in order”, there is a LOT more to that than having a will and a life insurance policy. Sure, those are important and valuable, but the details and steps needed to make things easier for your heirs and surviving family go much deeper. As much as she was good at diversifying her portfolio, more portfolio leads to more complications. Six months later, I am still trying to get into one account and have trouble getting a seemingly innocuous request for a tax form for a college fund. It’s trying and frustrating and often wearing me down.

So, make sure every money account has one simple step: you list the beneficiary. This would have saved me several long calls and extra paperwork. While you are at it, somewhere, somehow make a list of the accounts. You don’t need to break password confidentiality (though that too would have saved me tons of time), but some info could go a long way.

Make sure every bill can be transferred with a payment plan. Knowing which credit card or bank account paid for which bill was one thing I did right before her passing. Yet, as her side of accounts got closed and transferred, I lost some auto-payments and still had to scramble to get everything reset. Just this week I had a quarterly bill and a mortgage payment that needed reset. Of course, in the world of paperless bills and tons of junk mail, it gets hard to make sure that those missing pieces don’t get lost before it’s too late.

Lastly, if you are in my role and trying to settle an estate, I offer two notes. First, make a game plan and chip away at it rather than getting overwhelmed and trying to do it all at once. Once I went back to work, there was no chance I would have the time or energy to spend hours a day taking care of the many account needs. Instead, I dedicated time for one or two calls each evening before dog walks and followed my second piece of advice: write down the details in notes. I have a whole pad that tracks the dates and needs of each account. And it is honestly crazy how different the process is for each place, whether it’s the documentation or the forms or the legal notices, nothing is easy or consistent.

One thing that seems to be standard is the script. I say, “I’m calling to take care of xyz for my recently deceased wife.” They pause (as if looking at the correct script page) and say, “I’m very sorry for your loss. Our condolences.” I’d like to believe they mean it. I sure hope they give me the grace that I am trying to give them, and to myself as well. Please take my financial advice with a grain of salt and a lot of grace as well. We’re all doing the best we can.

beauty and brains personified

Note: This is a slice of a story this month I’ve started calling Good Grief as a way to document some moments with my wife before she passed away in Sept 2023. Feel free to scroll back and see the rest of the story.