Chapter 17: Social Reintegration

This isn’t news to anyone, but when you are a couple, you tend to socialize with other couples. When you are married with kids, fellow parents often bond together over their familiar woes and joys. When you have a wife who is going through cancer, you defer to her for social preferences and schedules.

And when she is gone, what comes next?

In her letter to me that I read following her death, she encouraged me to travel and to find friends to hang out with. To be fair, I feel like I have friendships with many folks and appreciate them all. But there are only a few that would change plans on a Saturday night or drive five hours to just hang out! Part of my social reintegration has been a mix of finding things for me, tributes and time for remembering her, supporting others, and listening for new opportunities.

With that in mind, over the last six months, I have:

• reengaged with my trivia teammates whenever possible
• found church related activities and social times
• had an open house for Jeanette’s friends to thank them and offer them some of her clothing and jewelry as appropriate
• returned to my alma mater for homecoming
• attended a local grief support group in person and online
• travelled with friends and helped them celebrate birthdays
• hosted a neighborhood Super Bowl gathering
• attended some plays and musicals with coworkers and strangers
• hung out with neighbors on dog walks and stopped to talk to more coworkers, etc
• went to sporting events, sometimes alone and sometimes with my son or family
• went to a guys night at an invite from a teacher and a parent this week. Even though I was very tired from a long week, it was a positive time of fellowship
• found music concerts and open mics for friends or just to listen and be out in the world

There is plenty of alone time (and of course dog time!), but the balance is an adjustment that I’m starting to find more willing to seek. I’m grateful for those who have offered to build connections and those who speak fondly of Jeanette while understanding what I need to help me/us readjust.

Soon I will speak of the financial, spiritual and emotional adjustments that have also come with the terminal territory. It ain’t all so easy!!

last night’s outing with some dear friends

Note: This is a slice of a story this month I’ve started calling Good Grief as a way to document some moments with my wife before she passed away in Sept 2023. Feel free to scroll back and see the rest of the story.