Chapter 14: Regrets and the family photo

Whomever says that they have no regrets should get it tattooed on their body (assuming they would spell it correctly)! As for me, I’ve always been someone who lives with regret, though I try to keep it as a healthy reflection instead of a paralyzing fear. Nevertheless, in my time with Jeanette, there were for sure things I wish we had a mulligan or a second chance. Often, she would remind me of these when the timing was right. She did always know how to keep my ego in check 😉

Here are three small slices:

– One year, Indianapolis was hosting the Super Bowl, so all four of us drove out to stay with my sister for the festivities (not the actual game). It also happened that a part of the halftime show was going to feature a crazy band called LMFAO (Party Rock… anyone?!!). Our cousin was a manager for them, so we connected and he came over the night before the game for dinner and to hang out. I think my son was in awe. Before he left, he casually asked if we wanted to go to the Rolling Stones Party that night. I mean, first of all I didn’t know if it was the band or the magazine (it was the latter). Second, I immediately felt too uncool and under dressed to even think of it, so I politely declined. I could see Jeanette’s eyes grow and then her shake her head. She said she would have found a store somewhere that sold clothes for a once in a lifetime event like that, and she reminded me of it a few times that night until I said I was sorry and regretted it. I guess Party Rock was not quite my anthem that time!

– During summer break, I am often tasked with sorting and cleaning spaces in the house. One year, it was the basement storage, with boxes of random old toys and school materials and gadgets and… junk. Anyway, I was working through the stuff and wanted to get it out to the trash the next morning, so I filled a bag with papers from past school assignments and art projects. I didn’t think much of it -except that I should be congratulated for weeding through things that no one else would (I’m not quite a packrat, but there are plenty of sentimental attachments that really are ready for the wastebasket!) Anyway, turns out that was TOTALLY the wrong choice on this particular night, because Jeanette was furious that I would let go of some of those things without checking with her. It was a regrettable decision, and she eventually forgave me (but boy did I think twice before taking on that project again!)

– A few summers ago we took the boys and met Jeanette’s family at a resort. It was all inclusive, and though we had done it ourselves before, it was the first time for the boys. They stayed in their own room and seemed to like the independence. We met up for meals and evening events and other activities. During one of our last full family dinners, we were dining outside and I tried something that I wouldn’t normally order (Sadly I can’t remember what it was, but that’s the point of going somewhere new and trying fancy things, right?!). All seemed well, until the next morning when I tried to sneak out and catch a sunrise picture. First, I forgot my room key, so I was locked out unless I woke her (bad idea!!). Second, I suddenly had a VERY urgent urge to use the bathroom, and had no idea where one was on the beach! (I eventually made it into an unlocked restroom.) Then, third, it started to pour a tropical monsoon as I headed back to the room! Fortunately, she answered my call and let me in. Unfortunately, nature’s call struck me for the next day and a half and I couldn’t enjoy any other meals. That was a dangerous plane ride home, and a slice I’d rather forget!!

Perhaps my biggest regret, which was more her fault than mine for once, was the lack of a proper family portrait in our time together. Sure there were pictures of the four of us, and sometimes we even posed nicely, but nothing of professional quality. I grew up with the Sear’s glossy holiday family pose, or the church directory portraits. Both gave us a small time capsule and keepsake for the future (wow – our hair! Wow – those cords and the size of those glasses!!) But Jeanette was never satisfied enough with how she looked to get us all in front of a professional studio sitting. It was always, ‘when she loses this many more pounds or finishes this and that’. Sadly, time marched on and now we have only camera captures to keep. I also really really wish we had more videos of her. Wow, that voice and laugh would make those eyes and smile sparkle. Any chance to hear her again would be a welcome joy; thus, I live with regrets.

one of our last best poses – Christmas 2022

Note: This is a slice of a story this month I’ve started calling Good Grief as a way to document some moments with my wife before she passed away in Sept 2023. Feel free to scroll back and see the rest of the story.