Chapter 13: tokens and reminders

What’s left

after the hospice equipment and medicines and signs of the cancer are removed and gone?

What’s left

after the neighbors food and family visits slow down and the boys go back to school and I go back to work?

What’s left

is everything that was part of her life, such as clothes and make-up and books and shoes and so much more.

What’s left

including the memories and emotions, which are conveniently represented with some tokens laying on the dresser:

• Wedding ring
• Worry stones
• jewelry
• mini-beach scene
• 50th birthday crown

Then there are those objects in our home that are specifically hers, still in their usual place, because I have no need or desire to move them:

• The winter blanket which is always too warm for me but just right for her.
• The inflated pad in the bathtub and the supplies for baths (I never have used that tub).
• The garden supplies and the herb box in the back yard.
• Several paintings in each room from different parts of her life that brought her joy.
• The chemo bag with all of her medical paperwork and treatment needs.
• The large candlestick holders by the fireplace which she bought on a whim and never got candles to match.
• The vanity in the bedroom which I cleaned off but don’t want to get rid of, because she loved sitting there to get ready, not because I am vain.
• The dining room table that she converted into her office space when she was working from home more than the office.
• The wine fridge which she kept in constant rotation. I have kept it in irregular use.

Some of those will change over time and as necessities arise, but for now they are comfortable reminders of what was and is our life together.

some lovely tokens from loved ones for Jeanette

Note: This is a slice of a story this month I’ve started calling Good Grief as a way to document some moments with my wife before she passed away in Sept 2023. Feel free to scroll back and see the rest of the story.