6 months ago on September 17th was her birthday –
6 months ago on September 17th was her death day.
not sure how much more I want to say about that.
When you look at the hyphen of her life,
it was full of laughter and good times
drinks and trips and friends and work
family and love and faith and stories
and that’s probably all that matters, right?
still…
6 months ago she kept saying she was sorry
it could have been for many things,
but I think it was for having to leave.
6 months ago I told it was ok,
that I loved her so much,
but it would be ok when she had to go.
So I guess she heard me and found peace.
6 months ago she was surrounded by family
her parents and sister and her son.
While she didn’t get to say goodbye to us all,
she did share her love in words and letters
tenderly, thoughtfully, written weeks before when she was of sound mind.
and getting ready for this unavoidable night.
not sure how much more I want to say about that night
but I don’t want to forget
all the flowers and cards and birthday wishes she got
all the letters from coworkers saying how she touched their lives
and how I had beach screen saver on for her to peacefully
see the sun setting over every breaking wave
and I kept it on well after she had passed away,
now for me rather than her…
not sure how much more I want to say about that night
but today I can’t stop thinking about 6 months ago.
Note: This is a slice of a story this month I’ve started calling Good Grief as a way to document some moments with my wife before she passed away in Sept 2023. Feel free to scroll back and see the rest of the story.
carpe fabula 
7 responses to “Chapter 12: 6 months ago”
This is so incredibly beautiful. I truly hope that your writing brings you peace and helps you to process this unimaginable loss. I am certain she did not want to leave you but she must be so proud of you.
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It’s amazing that you can write so much even though, as you say, “not sure how much I want to say about that night.” This writing will be so meaningful to have and read later. It is a long journey… it will be a comfort.
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Absolutely beautiful!
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This is beautiful. The repetition of “not sure how much I want to say …” really goes so far to help us understand that there is a depth of loss that is unimaginable. Again, thank you for writing and sharing.
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This is so beautiful. The refrain of “not sure how much more I want to say about that’ is powerful, as is your final line. Now my heart is breaking, too. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope sharing it, and letting us hold it along with you, helps you know you’re not alone.
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Oh, how heartbreaking. I’m so glad you are writing your good grief. I pray it is healing and transformative for you. The repetition of this line “not sure how much more I want to say about that night” reminds us that the wound is still there, and that it’s only been six months. Peace to you.
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It is SO hard when we have to tell them that it’s okay, they can go. So hard! I hope reading the notes & emails from her friends and coworkers helped you both. May the writing this month help you find more peace.
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